Chuck the cheapie. “Ugh” is the word.

Is there a cheapie in your life? You know the type. Let’s call him Chuck. He’s invariably late with rent money and he will short-change you on the bills (then meekly apologize for the oversight when caught).

He’s often a mooch.

Chuck helps himself to the food in your refrigerator and cupboards and he’s always the first to grab the last slice of pizza. During an evening out, he has ways to avoid paying his share of just about any tab, saying he’s forgotten his wallet or hitting the washroom for an extended period just as the bill arrives. And if he’s drunk, look out. He’ll pour over the numbers on the bill and rail on about how he couldn’t possibly have consumed six of the eight beers he guzzled. 

Yep, good old Chuck the Cheapie. If you don’t know him personally, you’ve doubtless heard about him. Of course there are degrees of Chucks, from the mildly stingy to the chronic penny pincher.

During my university years, I heard stories about one guy who qualified for some sort of global award in cheapness. His name, as a matter of fact, was Charlie. One night after drinking one too many glasses of wine (paid for by others naturally) he admitted to some chums that he made a practice of wearing his underwear for two days in a row. The first day he would wear them right-side out, then come day two he would turn them inside out, all in an effort to avoid dropping a few quarters at the local laundromat. His rationale for the behavior was simple: “I’m a college student on a budget.”

I daresay that from there stories about Charlie proliferated, as did the recoiling “ughs” in response to the stories. For instance, one day someone visited Charlie in his one-room flat where he was among others eating some fast food from McDonalds. As one of the others attempted to cast the McDonald’s bag in the trash, Charlie rushed to retrieve it and rummage through its contents. He fished several ketchup packets from the bag, then proceeded to transfer their contents into a bottle he kept in his mini-fridge. “You never know when you’re going to run out of condiments,” he noted (he was an English major).

Well, for Charlie, it was always a matter of never knowing when you’d run out of anything. He’d buy two-ply paper towels and toilet paper so he could separate the layers to get twice the use out of them. When on the odd occasion he was forced to shell out for what would always be the cheapest room in the cheapest motel, he loaded up on the complimentary soaps and shampoos and anything else he could get his hands on. When he was low on milk, he’d stretch its life span by adding water to it (not the tastiest measure given that he purchased skim milk to begin with).

Now, I could go on about Chuck, but I’m sure you’ve had your fill of him by now. Besides, I’d like to hear stories from all you readers out there about famously cheap people you may have encountered or heard about over the years. The stories only serve to remind us that while saving pennies is a good thing, being overly obsessive about it can be downright creepy and no way to live a decent life.

I think it’s healthy to distinguish between being cheap and being frugal. They are in fact two entirely different ways of looking at your financial reality. I define frugality as being wise in the way you economize. A frugal person does not save at the expense of living a noble life. Frugality means giving money respect and acting intelligently in the way you spend and save. The stingy, miserly type can be thoughtless and, ironically enough, frequently ends up spending more through his or her obeisance to cheapness.

The truth is, quality in spending can count for a lot: a car that does not cost you a fortune to repair; clothing that lasts season to season; other goods and services with reliable shelf lives. On the other hand, if cheap is all you want, then cheap is all you get, and in the long term that can cost you money. Which is not to say that I’m against bargains. I’m all for them, provided they are good bargains.
 
I would say that frugal folks generally believe in being lightweight consumers of resources, whatever those resources may be. For example, the frugal type will make meals from scratch rather than paying several times for the cost of equivalent foods at a deli or restaurant. Of course, cheapies look for deals, too, but they can be heavy consumers of resources, buying stuff that’s not really needed simply because it’s on sale.
 
Just as importantly, cheapies are no fun to around. Especially when they don’t change their underwear. But enough of that. As I say, join my blog with stories about famous cheapies you have known.
 
Meanwhile, here’s to fruitful frugality.

Tagged as: frugal